To all the job offers never recieved and ideas never approved. Forever in our memory.
RIP to why I’m unique:
“In the classic, lowercase-a use of the word, I’m unique in a few ways. I have such an impeccable sense of smell it’s slightly crippling—you can’t slip a fart past me. I’m not easily embarrassed, which is why I just said fart in a job application. I am extremely good with directions but horrible at looking before I cross the road, so I’ll get you where you need to go but probably not in one piece. I’m somewhat snobbish about music and yet Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” was my most-listened-to song this year. I have an unwavering belief in the sanctity of names and thus I have a permanent Rolodex of all the ones I’ve ever learned (family, friends, celebrities, the barista who served me the best matcha of my life at a cafe in Amsterdam, thank you Anneke). However, I don’t even go by my real one (Eleanor). These are things that I believe make me slightly paradoxical and a derivation from the common form. An anomaly, if you will.”
RIP to why I’d be a good fit for the role:
“I’m not going to jump into this application and drone on about my copywriting experience at two different advertising agencies (one of them in London!), extensive portfolio and spec work, pages and pages of short-form and long-form writing, and full knowledge of Adobe Creative Suite (I’ll just mention them briefly, #stayhumble). Because even if I didn’t have any of that, I would still be a great fit for the role at REDACTED. I’ve known since I was young that I was put on this earth to write, but even more than that I was put on this earth to learn. I take every opportunity I can to grow—to see things differently, to gain a new skill, to connect with people in a different way. As an intern at REDACTED, not only would I work to create the best work I possibly can, I would soak up everything the job has to offer. Not an ounce of time, resources, effort, or relationships would be wasted on me. There is nothing more valuable than the opportunity to expand your mind, and I want mine big enough to get a casting call for Megamind 2. It will become instantly evident how badly I wanted this job because I will devour every last learning experience, opportunity, and office snack available. In addition to being a human sponge with good ideas and even better grammar, I am also determined, reliable, adaptable, honest, and unrelenting in my pursuit of creating the best work possible. I’m also kind of fun to hang out with? Or so I’ve heard.”
RIP to the most interesting thing I’ve learned recently:
“When I was presented with the incredible opportunity to study and work in London for a semester, I decided that I would finally do something I’d always wanted to do: run a half-marathon. The farthest I’d ever run before that point was four miles (in near breathless agony) and I had no idea what it would require of me to run 13.1 miles in one sitting. I’ve learned a couple fun lessons since starting my training two months ago:
Your feet can handle an unbelievable number of steps, they just may become very ugly in the process.
Stretch. Goddamnit. Stretch.
Stop lying to yourself about your lactose intolerance. You can’t keep eating bagels and cream cheese before your runs.
Your friends love you too much to tell you that you do actually kind of smell bad after your run. Spare them and go shower.
Miles are really long. If you’re going to run multiple of them, then use them to see new parts of the world around you.
The most interesting thing I’ve learned, however, is that you can achieve anything with the right mindset. Training has been a lesson in pushing my body to achieve something it never has before, and I’ve realized it would all be impossible without the right mentality. The only run I’ve never been able to finish is the one I told myself I wasn’t capable of doing. A strong mind is the foundation for a strong body, a strong attitude, and a strong life. I’ve been able to run miles in the rain, in the early mornings, and on the dreadmill, simply because I made myself believe that I could do it. This fact has become paramount to how I live my life. You will never catch this brain slipping— I’ve got massive dreams, and a strong mind is how I’ll achieve them. You’ve heard it your whole life (I know, it does suck when older people turn out to be right) but you really can do anything you put your mind to. I’ve got the peeling feet and race bib to prove it.”
RIP to a speculative Hanes manifesto:
